oh, w0lf ... only 5k !!
nice playing with you, see you soon

Very funny Wolf. All the best

Warning!

Always read the directions!





Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for your wife.





Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.



What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived,with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL!



Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.



I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat... But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?



So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the groundlike a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'



What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...



I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...



HOLY MOTHER OF GOD... WHAT THE HELL???!!!



I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.



Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!



A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.. Apparrently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!



P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Joe Satriani is the name

long time no sit my friend.. hope all is well with you. Hope to catch you soon.

LW

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt.
The bartender asks: "What's that for?"
The pirate responds: "Aarrr, its driving me nuts".

08.sep

Starting Hand
Dealing pocket cards: [As, 5c]
Mrs.Carter calls
anttttt calls
Minitiger calls
goodmother calls
w0lf checks
Dealing flop: [5s, 2s, 3s]
goodmother bets $50
w0lf calls
Mrs.Carter folds
anttttt folds
Minitiger calls
Dealing turn: [4s]
goodmother bets $50
w0lf raises $100
Minitiger calls
goodmother calls
Dealing river: [6s]
goodmother checks
w0lf bets $50
Minitiger calls
goodmother folds
w0lf shows [As, 5c] for a straight flush six high
Minitiger shows [Th, Js] for a straight flush six high
w0lf wins main pot $400
Minitiger wins main pot $400

hey w0lf, thanks for your wishes. im 59 th now,with 607k and hope it ll stick. ill try to make another 100 tho just to be sure :)

not everyday i see a straight flush, keep it up

12.aug.08
Starting Hand
Dealing pocket cards: [6d, 2d]
mizike calls
Fritzie calls
Jihad yeah!! folds
Sjoe sits out
Sjoe folds
popeye calls
Lady_Stef calls
w0lf checks
Dealing flop: [5d, 4d, 6h]
Lady_Stef checks
w0lf bets $300
mizike folds
Fritzie calls
popeye folds
Lady_Stef calls
Dealing turn: [3d]
Lady_Stef checks
w0lf bets $400
Fritzie calls
Lady_Stef raises $725
Fritzie calls
Dealing river: [Qd]
w0lf shows [6d, 2d] for a straight flush six high
Fritzie shows [8c, 4c] for a pair of fours
Lady_Stef shows [7h, Qh] for a straight seven high
w0lf wins main pot $2,350
Lady_Stef wins side pot $650