1. Persuade dad that you need a modem for your laptop so you can work on school projects at the girlfriends place.

2. Wait till he goes to bed and use his desktop too. Now you can play with yourself without doing porno.

3. Make a list of 3 and 4 letter tables on day 1 of the month. Even you can spell 3 letter words.

4. Forget the raise and fold form of cheating unless you want to practice creative denials on the forum (useful later in married life)

5. Instead, just do all-ins. Oh, and the sex life bit...make all ins the base for strip poker.