Pattie Cakes denies press links to Usein Bolt: "Get real, he's all over in 9 seconds"

Hag says he's happy cleaning up horse manure at the equestrian: "Face it, it's the closest I'll ever get to a medal"

Dr Rich appointed chiro to the womens field events - doesn't expect to survive.

BN pulls out after mishap in the high dive. Noone had refilled the pool.

Lynnmay volunteered for vagazzeling at the athletes village. Overruled by the medics: "They get everywhere" Pebble still hopeful they may need a twatooist though.