A man gives blood to save his girlfriend's life. They break up and he says he wants it all back. She hands him a tampoon and says here~monthly payments!!! :)

Oh Yeah >>Adults Only<<

The bid bad wold told Lil Red Riding Hood lift your shirt so I can suck your tits! NO!!! She said lifting her skirt~~eat me like the f*cking book says!!!

Hmmmmmm And I aint even drunk~~That's the BIG BAD WOLF:) Sorry:(

shed you ugly cunt thank you , this is the best fucking joke i ever read.

laughing my fat ass off

Okay a joke thread is no excuse to descend into swearing. Can we please clean up the jokes from now on.

Universal Poker Chat

Order: Is each here? Does each have his opposite?
Chaos: I am here, but my opposite is you.
Order: Huh?
Evil: Don't let him bug ya'. We're here.
Truth: My opposite is not here.
Good: Is your opposite "Lies"?

Truth: My opposite is "Void". He couldn't make it.
Evil: : (snicker) Figures!
Order: Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!
Evil: Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!
Good: I have the cards.
Evil: I've got the chips.
Truth: I have the beer.
Chaos: I have the cards!
Order: Shut up.
Order: Whose deal is it?
Evil: Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time?
Truth: It is Good's deal.
Good: OK, five card draw...uh, everything is wild.
Evil: How can anyone win if everything is wild?
Good: No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if...
Order: I like this game.
Evil: This is pointless.
Truth: It is time to deal.
Good: Here we go! Your bet, Truth.
Truth: Five.
Order: Five and raise you five.
Evil: Don't you morons get it? It doesn't matter how much you bet!
Order: I like ten better.
Evil: : (sigh) Call.
Chaos: I fold.
Evil: YOU CAN'T LOSE!
Chaos: I still fold.
Good: OK, I'll call. How many, Truth?
Evil: What's the point in taking more cards?
Truth: I will keep the cards I have.
Order: I will take two.
Evil: Why?!?
Order: I didn't like those.
Evil: None for me.
Chaos: I'll take six.
Good: Sorry, you folded. Dealer keeps his. Bets?
Evil: Oh, just get this over with.
Order: But now we have to bet!
Evil: Any money you put in, you're just gonna get back!
Truth: I am in agreement with Evil. Let us show our cards.
Truth: I have five aces.

Order: I have five ace of spades.
Chaos: I have a three.
Good: Please be quiet. I also have five aces. We all win.
Evil: Hold it, bub. Six aces, read'em and weep.
Good: Where did you get that card?
Truth: He stole it from Chaos.
Evil: You know the rules, boys. The pot's mine.
Good: That was a stupid game.
Order: Whose deal is it?
Truth: The dealer progression is opposite the deal. Chaos deals.
Chaos: Whee!
All but Chaos: (groan)
Chaos: Eleven card stud-hold'em with threes, eights, jacks, and kings wild...fives count as fours, fours count as nines, and queens don't count unless there is a prime numbered spade showing...
Order: I fold...

Omaha Lesson:

What you do is get four cards.
Doesn't matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway.
Next, they put three cards on the board. It doesn't matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either.
Then one more card for the turn and another one for the river.
Same betting scenario as before. Doesn't really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards.
These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports.)
Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand.
You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and and the winning hand is usually found out after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer.
The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah, ...sorry" and then sends it in the right direction.
Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again.
Fun game.

Did you here about the dyslexic pimp?


He bought a warehouse.

Did you here about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

hey... dyslextics are teople poo!!!